Beginning.

From the first day I came across blogging back in 2007, I have changed around 5 blogs till today. There were many reasons, ranging from giving up on attempting to create a fan art blog, naively hoping that someone would spot me and use my designs..(admit it, we all had those days) to just pure laziness. So many things going on, so many pictures taken, but yet, so little time, plus sucky internet, the biggest factor of me giving up because it is just plain time consuming.

Well today, I suddenly had the urge to blog ._.

Maybe because today marks a different stage in my unusual, ass scratching, eye popping, boobs itching life. Today, after much pain, injustice and heartache me and my loved one has put to due to discrimination, I had to draw a clear line with my mom. It isn't just dissing my boyfriend for being who he is that counts, it has accumulated for a long time. From the way she brings me up, to illogical points of views which one could not explain soon as upon request. I don't blame her for being the way she is, well, everyone is brought up and have experienced life differently. The way she lives, the philosophy she believes in has brought her to a certain height in life but when it is instilled on me, everything is the opposite. It just does not work on me. Maybe it is because I have not been given a chance to learn how to think for myself (indirectly)?

For the past few months was a bit of a havoc. It is great to have an extra (not temporary I suppose?) *cough* family member in the house taking care of my mom and I, saving money on food and stuff, regaining the privilege of frequent fine dining which I lost years ago. Cat, my unofficial stepdad wtf, as expected, has his own family. (Sounds like a familar drama plot? :3) He is soft and demure, a perfect candidate to be a... perfect example of a mother wtf. Yes indeed, he should fucking change genders with my mom. -__ - The pussycat did nothing to me, but somehow his presence changed my mom to a very unpleasant way. You know how disgusting is it seeing someone not being their usual selves, just to impress another person. One hell of a freaking eyesore. -__- His open heart towards matters basically has no purpose at all because he is just so.. unintelligent -___- I had to repeat myself about 6 times on very simple things/reasons/theories. He actually thinks that malay=muslim people oh god why.

AND HE IS A FREAKING PUSSY, for not standing up in what is right or wrong, so that he would still have *cough* rice to eat if you know what I mean ugh.

Aunt tried to talk to me and kept asking me why do I take so drastic actions to go against my mom's will. Well if there were diplomatic solutions nothing like this would happen today. My mom just don't bother on how I feel just because she doesn't like who I am dating OR simply, just because I am 17 and I "don't know what is going on and I am not thinking from an adult's view."

Can anyone explain what is an adult's view? There are so many different kinds of people in the world with different personalities, background, mentalities, standard of education etc. I have seen many successful young entrepreneurs making remarkable, classic quotes and also a bunch of people after their fifties who can't let go what is bothering their life and always get wasted in the club.

No, I am not stating that my decisions today will be 100 percent correct, but I strongly think that I deserve a chance to begin my holistic discovery in life.

I think all everyone will meet someone the opposite sex with VERY problematic characteristics regardless of age, race and religion. For example, even if you don't date muslims or christians (the most controversial ones I know ._. ) you might face someone who is a fanatic in something odd and indigestible in your poor brain AND THEN force you to join it. Truth is, there will be someone who will have uncontrollable desires or have contrasting point of views and you will need to learn how to say no and find a solution to it.

I don't get why parents simply just can't teach their kids the reality of life and instead, ordering their children to run away from conflicting situations. Sure you don't want your dear child to get hurt, but how do you expect lil kiddo to learn if she doesn't get hurt? How would you expect your darling angel to face adversities when you are gone?

Your child will need to learn how to earn a living, to pay off monthly bills and most probably taking care of a family ALL BY HERSELF. So why can't let go?

Apart from love towards my baby, I do have other reasons behind the conclusion of today. But some things are just so insanely out of this world that it would be too astonishing for many. Furthermore being humans we sometimes only want to hear what we like to hear but NOT what we NEED to hear. Stubbornness runs in the family, I guess even when things are in such a way, it could still work some magic in life.

Right now my mind feels free like a bird out of a cage (couldn't think of any less old fashion sayings) but haha tbh I am pretty frightened by the fact that I need to live on my own with 400 bucks per month. (suppose mom couldn't afford any extra anyway)  It might not seem enough but to me it is like a lot of money O_O I am extremely grateful to actually have so much money in my hands after so long T_____T Will definitely save as usual and try to find ways to get extra income.

Food now is my main dilemma as I never know what to eat out -____- On the bright side I can still nib on snacks or whatever she has prepared when she's not at home. And also since I need to go out and look for food means freedom yippeee. I just can't stay in house for long since there is nothing to do. I hope I could go to baby's house and cook meals together, since he always complains there is no food which he could eat in the house D:

This is not a typical way to start a journal but fuck yeah :D

In my opinion, too many things in life actually has no definition. Some things are neither right or wrong. But what is most important is as long as you are happy and not disturbing and/or harming anyone it should be perfectly fine. Each person has a unique story, which one can never duplicate and take away. ^__^