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| Blur is the in effect. |
This isn't a good date AT ALL to write about fuckities like this but I am bored and don't trust anyone to tell so oh well.
Part two of the recent outing.. Soooo. I purposely went home late, knowing that situations won't change for the better. Even jackpot can't strike as accurately as our
But here is a surprise element of the drama. I think if everything is broadcasted on air internationally (or at least locally? )
I would be the next Kim Kardashian yay. I have a big ass too! Thick face level 99999 haha. Because glamorously luxurious life is too fucking mainstream yo. ^__^
It seems like, my dad, the person who has been out from my life and stopped supporting my life expenses since 3 years ago, suddenly called baby bull's mom and said that I have changed and wants to meet up.
What. The. Fuck. Seeing the fact that he is desperate trying to talk to me again, he actually made such a silly move which makes me despise him even more. It is now pretty fine he took away the wealth of my family because of his ignorance (idiot does not know that by paying minimum amount for credit card means that the bank is gonna fucking charge you interest) and raging ego, and now that I have found a source of joy money can't weight he wants to destroy it? Fuck off lol. I know his life is bitter and miserable, but he has no fucking way to drag me down with him :) Such a smart move, dad.You don't know your daugher anymore :)
I guess mom was pretty desperate cause no one could help her -- her boyfriend is a fucking pussy, her lil sis is supporting her by only respecting her decisions and she has her own hateful in laws to take of, her previous neighbour/closest friend is busy taking care of her dad diagnosed with dementia; that poor woman had to be prepared all the time incase her dad calls, telling her that he is happy that he managed to pull up the medical tubes. At least twice a day. I also think that despite the damage my dad has made to the family, she asked him for help because of his temper, not because he is my dad or anything. May the force be with her. ._.
Both of my parents do not take it seriously that I am immunized to temper throwing. I guess that is the reason they are happily climbing on my head. Even though mom raised her voice at me (with reason or no reason) and I gave her the poker face every time she doesn't seem to get it. ._. Same goes to my dad, but I guess he probably forgot about that because I don't even know when was the last time he roared in the house. LOL.
Since it was mainly my dad I don't give a fuck at all. Anyway found cat's nephew's facebook not through my friends studying in the same school as him BUT cat's wife wtf. She is so damn big O_O Sure I planned to tell him about what his dear uncle/dad (well, he calls him dad) has been up to behind, but looking at privacy settings on his profile I guess he wouldn't accept me. As long as his wife still had the messaging function on I guess meh.
Yesterday, mom called *cough* mother in law *cough* >__< (glad that I don't have to change it to monster anymore lol) and said that I am dirty, rebellious and a liar.
When I first heard about this about this my eyes goes to slideshow effect mode, pulls down a background with HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH, in large, capital, colourful (mainly pastel..) words all over my vision. So now that my mom realizes that how am I now is not up to par as it is against her expectations, she couldn't find any reasons and decided to blame others who have nothing to do with it? Wow, parenting at it's fucking best.
Poor momma in law. Have to bear with this crazy ass bitch for awhile. Pfft.
Bitch also said that she wants to meet up with both mother and son. Shall see..
Today it seems like they didn't meet up, but mom has made an appointment with em tomorrow at 2pm. (strange timing, guess cat ain't free) But last week the cow has made an appointment with his friend to work on cosplay stuff tomorrow so appointment changed to friday.
She wants me to vertify what I have been telling cow about her through out the year -- not giving pocket money, fucked up rules, the way I have been brought up, things she said, etc. Sounds like a good old fashioned diplomatic talk, but deep inside everyone knows that it wouldn't be the way it should be.
I already had enough of her twisting everything in the end, especially infront of cat just to make her sound innocent and making me look like an immature teen. Especially that day (forgot exactly how many months ago, I only remembered it was a Thursday) when my contact lens decided to rip apart in my left eye and I couldn't get it out the whole freaking day in school. Countless visits to the toilet does not help, and friends and acquaintances attempts to look for the missing piece had failed me. Vivien was so kind, she lend me her eye drops and I finished half a bottle FHL. Both friends and acquaintances kept asking me to visit the hospital because of their/ their relatives' past events, but I told them no one would bring me there because for sure mom wouldn't take something like this seriously, even though she is also a contact lens user. I also know the possible damages which might cause to my eye, but what can I do?
(ahhh, long winded story telling strikes again..)
By the end of school the missing piece is still poking my eyes and it started to blur my vision a bit. Cow who accompanied me home through out the last few months of school also tried to remove it but no avail. Cow also knew that she wouldn't bring me and suggested me to walk to the hospital opposite my school. (awesome right.) After discussing for a good 20 minutes, I skipped tuition, after cow called my mom to ask her to bring me to the hospital to get it removed.
I asked mom to bring me there, she refused and told me just to apply eye drops/contacts solution and it will come out. She then ignored me and went to gym with cat, as usual. Couldn't find the missing piece, so I reluctantly slept with that fucking piece of shit in my eye. Everyone around me (and not around me) was so worried about me, but not my mom.
The next morning my left eye was terribly blur when I woke up and it also produced a lot of discharge ew. Still, I had to go to school, but I listened to cow that I go to the hospital IF it still decides to float in my eye.
But thankfully in God's grace the missing piece irritated my eye so bad, I rushed to the toilet and found it next to my eye ball :D :D :D my friends, classmates and acquaintances were genuinely happy for me, faith in humanity restored! :D
.... Not for long.
Cat and mom sent me home that day, and I also happily told mom that she doesn't need to worry about me because I managed to take it out. Mom then called me stupid, asking me why I didn't take it out earlier. -__- Seeing that she might be confused, I repeated yesterday's incident to her. She still thinks that I left it here and then told me, "See, told you that you don't needa doc, your friends are silly, people will laugh at you if you go to the emergency session for small things like this. The next time it happens, keep dripping eye drops, it will eventually come out. "
No fucking comment.
This year cat decided to bring US to celebrate her birthday on the 25th of October. ( A day after, he couldn't make it the day before) I didn't took a shower immediately after dinner (..which is usually around 4-6 :P ) because I wanna change to my prettier clothes straight. I waited, sat on the bed, talking to cow and realized that it is getting late. Went down and asked her what time we are going out. Surprised that she was all dressed up and putting on her make up, naturally I asked her what's the hurry.
She then told me, "Make it clear, it is my birthday not yours. Yours is next week. We are going out by then."
For the first time in my life, someone actually told me that they didn't want me to be there for their birthday. And the first person turns out to be.. my mother.
Moving on, Big Bang came to KL on the 27th, which was 3 days before my birthday. I thought it would be great to catch em live and have an outing as usual on the date itself. Tickets and transportation were provided. Asked her and she said okay. (partly because cat said so. )
Unexpectedly after he went home she turned around and said I can only go out for one day! No concert, just outing. After a light debate, LIKE ALWAYS, I was the side giving in, also because I am grateful that at least I could spend that special day with him.
But I was wrong. She didn't allow ANYTHING later. Talked about it infront of cat and there was one sentence which pissed me off.
"I wanna reject him, cannot?"
Clearly shows how unreasonable and bitchy she is. And all the sudden she asked me to go away because she is "too depressed". In the end they agreed on having him for lunch on that day.
On the day itself mom only asked him what stream he took and ignored us the rest of the moment. Halfway through eating mom was frequently away talking on the phone, and at one point both cat and mom left us abruptly for at least a good half an hour.
| a kawaii facepalm picture just to make things a bit interesting. |
It is fucking scary to have a mother who could read your thoughts and decisions every fucking time ever since you are a kid. It is nice when she knows my likings, like knowing what type of food I want, what colour I would choose.. But as life complicates it is definitely unpleasant. Currently I lock my laptop, I changed my password 3 times in this month and logged out from all devices after changing before this happens, I hide my phone in the house all the time for the past few years ever since catching her reading my inbox but yet she just fucking knows what I think and is gonna happen. Always wondered if there is a devil living in her. Truthfully I am not surprised if there is.
But I guess not (????) because I am pretty sure she doesn't know my character completely well but only a few flaws, plainly just because she hates that few of em.
Since I was a kid I always asked my mom what are the good sides of me. Well it is good to hear what other people think of you, sometimes. Till today she couldn't give me a proper answer. How can a mother not know, especially when I am the only child?
I am sick of living life the way she defines. The way she thinks, is correct. She always criticizes the way how people live. She disses the weaker characters, thinking that having a strong character will always bring success in life. Problem is these values, and success are subjective. Who is she to judge other people's life? There is no right or wrong if you are not a very neat person. I am a bit untidy, and she always says being tidy is the key of success. How would you know if all the successful CEOS will have tidy personal spaces? What you see on TV MIGHT be superficial. Everyone's thoughts of successful is different. Some may say loads of money, some might say just being happy.
No one said that is wrong if you are emotional. There is nothing wrong being happy over little things. There is nothing wrong being sad. There is nothing wrong feeling hurt, AS LONG AS YOU DON'T FUCKING UNLEASH YOUR FUCKING TEMPER TO INNOCENT PEOPLE MOTHERFUCKERS. Sure I am immunized to anger but that is still NOT FUCKING OKAY.
You don't have respect for me, how the fuck do you deserve mine?
Mom always want me to think like an adult but how does she expects me to when she is being a hypocrite herself, being so full of herself thinking that she is right and has the right to hurt others? I don't think that she could think like an adult considering the fact that the rationality she has is equivalent to a tiger. If she sees adulthood as a complete stage of life, shouldn't she implement values which makes one an adult? Shouldn't she have better understanding of emotions?
There are times when I wonder why my life isn't like any typical teenager, only thinking of spending time with friends, being happy and.. being happy. But if it is not for this unusual teenage life I have, I wouldn't be the person here typing this today. One of my mom's logic is that kids can grow up without making mistakes. In comparison when I think back those free and easy days I was a complete idiot. I know nothing about life, and if that goes on, where would that bring me to?
I don't feel like typing till the very conclusion because I am freaking demotivated and I don't think even myself would read such a long ass post. Hope Friday wouldn't be any uglier. Toodles.
In the end it is still us who could turn the can'ts to cans, and make our dreams into plans.
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