Brush my teeth with a bottle of jack.

4 days until the curtains close, ending a explosive, unpredictably mysterious year. And hmm, currently at Beijing with cousin and her family. :O (yep, scheduled post) Sure it is nice to see snow, but sadly I couldn't see my first snow with my dear baby :( and also the crazy ass weather. I was pretty good at withstanding cold since I was born, I went to tour Europe with my parents when I was a few months old during the end of the year, and also slept with only singlet and shorts at the hotel directly outside Mount. Fuji back in 2006 :P

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Look at how bubbly and irresistibly cute and seductive am I back then ^___^

But in these recent years to save electricity and help mom to reduce the expenses I started to sleep with only the fan. And somehow it took away my *cough* god like resistance towards the cold and gradually need the blanket more and more T__T

Two days ago I slept with the aircon at the temperature of 24 degrees celcius and I actually shivered a bit FML.

-___-

Anyway, here are my thoughts of this year.

 There goes my high school life, detached from the familiar. My class wasn't the best to be in because we are not united at all to be frank. but I am very grateful that there are many little happy things to be left behind my mind like the jokers with their daily dose of retardation and the mischievous behavior no student in our school would dare to show :D (pfft pussies, thank god I am off without em now.)

AND YEAH, MY VERY FIRST COMPETITION IN MY HIGH SCHOOL LIFE :D State level public speaking! :D But yeah I didn't even get through the auditions due to sudden attack of flu and -_- scumbag brain went blank for awhile. :x

Pre concert schooling days were the biggest bombs, no classes for around 2 months.

 Just dance, gotta be okay, cause we were being total camsluts and free :)

Concert was fun, and this year my dear boy came to watch me groove to Sunny :x My first proper school concert, (last year was also awesomely spent, with him :3 ) and my very last one.

Oh looks like we have a pair of badass here. Sign said no pairs in this area.

Back in Sri Garden I didn't have a chance to go to any school trips because they were simply fucking overpriced and it wasn't worth it when you have nobody to have fun with.

Awkwardly in the middle.

 In these 2 years I attended many camps (that is a lot for me! :O ) and they did many good to me, most of the time. Last year was my very first monitor board camp, and also the VERY first official position I got in school followed by being a part of the glamourous on the surface editorial board -_-.
I don't even know how I made it through the likings and approval haha.

*shitass proud face*

One thing I did regret about is not being a prefect, (HOW THE HECK I GET THE OFFER I DON'T EVEN.) but I think it is still a right choice because it brought me peace, which is what I really need before I leave school. Jealousy, jealousy every fucking where. Shallow cunts.

Back to the topic -__-

Well I attended more camps this year. This March I actually had camps EVERY weekend except for 1 week which I had my term break. O_O it wasn't intential, but sometimes when life goes very wrong till the state that you couldn't bear and your heart goes numb, a short vacation really work wonders.
After a camp, you would have to go for another briefing, pack your stuff, explore, come back and it goes on and on... The anxiety and sorrow will somehow fade as you force yourself to look ahead the next destination you are about to head.

Cherating,1003-1203 was the best one I ever had. The start of a small girl power group and a few strangers scattering around combining into a huge group of idiots who don't give 2 shits about the the fucked up schedules and ignorant teachers, learning how to party hard in 3 days with the ultimate freedom we had. I will never forget bathing together with my girls, guys moaning in the shower, sleeping only for 30 mins on the first night, the doggy style train we did with clay, the paranoia I had while the others sneak liquor in my bag, and the random decision of jogging at 5am to the nearby beach and ran back to the hotel because of a sudden thunder storm. -_-

You can never have too much of perfection. The two other camps were like, fuck. Especially interact club. I couldn't fit in at all, the place was horrible, much worse than FIRM area in Tekam.

Well, the highlight of the camp was  ....

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LAUGH COW. LAUGH. ZZ

Flying fox with your primary school bully who tried to bring you down in your new high school.

Monitors one was less boring, had less fuckities but cbf talking about it. :) But here is a jump shot of me at the historical, old English building  :D

 

IT IS ACTUALLY A FREAKING SCHOOL WTF. Why other schools and buildings don't look like this? :/

Moving on..

Maybe at this point my relationship with my closest friends is on the rocks once again, but before this, it has been a very long time since I found long term comfort from other people. It has been long since I felt acceptance from a group of people, the relief of being able to pour out your heartfelt feelings to someone who could listen, the jokes you will get out of randomness and.. youth.

 This year was also the year which I felt that much of care from people around me. Like the time when I caught a cold, friends brought me herbal candy, chinese tea packs and honey :') Friends who are actually bothered to ask how are you doing at home or at school. Of all the friends I have never experienced such a wonderful feeling being cared about by the people you call friends.

I will not forget to praise the beauty of two things in life, number one: time, for letting me to grow as I slowly need to step in to adulthood. The time I had which actually taught me what is the exact feeling of true feelings of love and affection. 

Also learnt back the true meaning of caring for a friend. Making them happy on their special day. Even most of us are stingy/broke we will rock that bitch's world and scar that juicy brain. Most memorable one was Jasmine's birthday. Sooooo hard to keep a surprise for her. Baby bull baked a cake for her and also trolled her to the max by wrapping her gift 7289393 times...

 The face change is priceless ^^

 And fate is the number two on the list because it is purely amazing that you could actually reconnect with your year one best friend after around 9 years of not talking. Many baby steps were taken from getting to know each other, gaining trust and courage to expose the darkest secrets and fears we never talked to anyone about, being siblings, and then finally, the cow and pig became to one. Though I had made my mistakes of running away from how I feel, but we are together for 6 months and still going on <3

A few actually pointed out that we actually have VERY similiar characters O_O Actually it's a bit true haha. Sometimes I do think that I am just a less intelligent and alert version of him haha wtf. >.<
Thousands of thank yous will never be enough to tell him how thankful am I for having him in my life, despite the mistakes I have made. I love you baobei moo <3 Definitely I have more to say but keep it for the later hee.

I would definitely miss the days when my baby accompanies me home by LRT from the bus station I passed by everyday after school. Baby had to go all the way to town from Maluri just to see me everyday as he could <3

 Cow still keeping this little birthday note I wrote to him 10 years ago. AND WTF FOR A SEVEN YEAR OLD MY WRITTING LOOKS SO OLD O___O  Not too sure what is below my name though..

 Oh. Here is a happy family portrait with momma and son in law.

 Despite this is SPM year for me, by now I can actually conclude that I seriously did not give a fuck about SPM. Played hard enough to end my last schooling year. Only had last minute study sessions before exams and those rare moments when I could actually absorb everything at tuition. >.<

was attempting to be sleeping buddha wtf.

After much hopes and praying, a scream of  FUCKKK YEAAAAHHH at the hallway ends the most useless public examination in my life, while welcoming freedom and another chapter of life. :D Everything seemed fine to me except maths and history, but what I say now is pointless as the result speaks it all next year. -yaomingface-

After much dubious feelings towards psychology  I decided not to take it next year. Sometimes reading through the books I have bought brings me a lot of questions, especially those why women can't read maps and men won't ask for directions books blablabla. Oh, and relationship aids. Sure some are useful, sometimes we need to stop and ask ourselves a few things before jumping to a certain conclusion of our partner. Sure we should know better alternatives to have important discussions and reduce arguments. But how sure is everyone that, all human brains in individual genders are programmed in the same manner? Many of these men vs women books have described how horrible human beings are men are. For me I think how a man (anyone) is now is based on many factors, not completely on genetics and nerves.

Psychologists have came out with many theories on empathy among humans but why our society is still unchanged? Why too many, does not implement what is well, supposedly good for the world?

I have considered designing as an alternate path but then I realized that the reason why people think that I am good in art because I am pretty good copying elements here and there and also many people do not bother on the white spots I can't be bothered to fill in. In the end I think that creativity AND reasonably average mathematical ability is VERY crucial to survive.

Many have pointed out that I should do well in mass communications/ management. So why not give it a go?

As for where do I head for college I will try to find out in this few months. An education expo will be held soon this week, will drag my boy along :)

As the year ends, it is also an end for many things.

1. No more school uniform. NOT gonna miss the horrible skirt length, but the fact that I don't have to think of what to wear everyday. D:

2. No more daily dose of retardation, hopefully at least for these few months till college..

3. No more tuition = also a time where I gain my freedom to do what I want :/

4. No more showing lesbian affection often HAHA.

Oh look, a micro dildo in my mouth

5. NO MORE COMPLAING ABOUT SUCKY FUCKED UP EMBARASSING PRIDE TEARING MIND BLOWING INTERACT CLUB MUAHAHAHAHAHAA. No more boring and empty agendas. No more ridiculous major planning for bringing the school's name down. No more unreasonable and insecure bitch supervisors WOOHOO.

WHY SO SERIOUS????

 Note to self, no bodycon skirts -__- For some reason they just keep going up and up and up, it just doesn't freaking stay in place o0o

 

How the fuck did I last until end of service I wonder. So fucking proud of myself ^__^

I am cocky but I don't show it.

6. AND NO MORE studying useless subjects like history. Edited, racist history. 

7. No black and dull hair? -face glitters- Going to have matching hair colours with the cow. BLUE MEHEHEHEH. Hopefully he won't change his mind >_<

8. No more sports day after 10 YEARS OMFG. Most happy because I never joined sports day heehee. The only time I did was form 2 as a substitute for someone and embarassed myself for being the last turtle to cross the line T_T

9. NO MORE TWILIGHT D: D: I don't really like it in the first place because of the screwed up frustrating endings but after reading the book I find the book has many delicate, beautiful details. No shits are given if you judge me for that. :)

10. Ummm, no more school? No more waking up bloody early in the morning just to gain knowledge fool around >_< As annoying as it can be....

 YOLO.

And many more to be listed out. 2012 is indeed a well spent year. I have thought, experienced, felt, and realized many things as the story of my life blooms.  I genuinely thank everyone who have been by my side through the ups and downs of the year from the bottom of my heart. Hopefully 2013 welcomes pleasant beginnings after the end of the familiar. :D

The first two posts in this blog has indeed proven that I am a long winded bitch. But it is personal, so who cares? ;D 

Goodbye 2012, you served me well. :)

maybe this year i won't be sad on Christmas:o

Maybe I'll have a happy holidayyyyy :D

Love Shane Dawson's Christmas song hehe. Catchy but sad at the same time. Sometimes it makes me tear :X

Oh, on the 22-23rd went to comic fiesta with the cow. Not interested with any japanese cosplay not just because I dont watch anime but also too many people dressed up as girly/princessy maids and also sissy looking boys -.- only three characters i like : some anon in the in horse mask, PEDO BEEEEAAAAARRRR :D and Rilakumma :3 someone wore a life size Rilakumma, but didn't take pics w it cause too many people crowding it :l sadly joints were not in the best condition for the past few days, ending up sitting a lot. Realized that comic fiesta is the only event which you can sit around wherever you like in and out of the hall haha -.- strange but benifitual for me :x

On the 23rd was our 7th month anniversary <3 was spent differently as I went to his grannys 90th (soon to be vampire? :p ) birthday dinner :o his mom's relatives were all nice, and they are the most sincere family I have ever seen. The siblings might be living their own lives, raising their families respectively but they are still sooooo close and loving. They seem to be cheerful people, always joking around haha.

There's  no turning back again this Christmas, it's going my way muahahaha. Bitter bitch initially made me rot at home but I still made it out anyway. Bitch please :D went to Pav today with le cow to see my dad O.O after 3 years wtf since he left the house wtf. He changed, his tone became softer. Found a loophole as dad told me he is still paying my education insurance .-. That is a huge relief for me, knowing that I have financial assurance for college tho >_< While my aunt (who does his tax documents) and my mom who is close to her kept telling me they have no idea .-. Funny, but hope they don't have any motives behind .__.

Dad is still vulgar and very sensitive to road traffics -.- at least he tried to change riding a bike than driving around .-. Still has big ego but smaller compared to the past. Despite trying to simplify his life, he seems pretty happy :O I guess the lose of money did made  a huge impact on everyone of us eh. .-.

On the bright side he seem more understanding and rational compared to mom. Good news is that he has an extra room in his apartment, so if any bigger fuckery happens at home I  know where to go :P

after meeting him watched a Tom Cruise movie which I don't know the title -.- used the free movie tickets from the buying the current phone months ago. Had pretty good gelato from the stall in Candilicious, it's soooooo orgasmic. Especially their hazelnut flavour oooohooooh.

Couldn't get anything nice for baby this Christmas :( the only thing I gave was a funny card with a lame joke illustration and a packet of cookies, knowing that the cow is always hungry :/ also the least I can give to let him has something to remind him of me rawrrrr. :x

Dad later came over to aunts house and lent me his girlfriend's winter clothes O___o awkward as hell but her winter clothes are so fashionable wtf. Her fleeces are soooo fluffy and colourful, and her parka is thin which would make me less of a fat papaya, hopefully :x that awkward moment when your lords are all from Uniqlo and also from dad's gf who you never met before...

Flying to Beijing tomorrow, will have a scheduled post though. Bye crickets. Happy boxing day too!

The end?

(Note: typing this based on my beliefs. You respect mine and vice versa. Peace.)

Was scrolling through fb right before typing this post. 21st is in around 1 hour plus woots.

does galaxy relate? umm doesn't matter...

I used to believe it, but a few months ago I stopped as I started to think that things like this shouldn't be predicatable by humans on this planet.  Our souls come and go for many reasons and purposes, which we will never find out as long as our hearts beat. We don't know what is above and beyond us apart from God. Needless to say they are definitely far more superior than us. Humans might be the most powerful creatures in this planet, but the fact that humans have more than what animals have and can't have what animals have (like flying, awwwwh >.<) simply proves that we are imperfect, we have our boundaries which we can never cross, not even a million years.

But heck if I am wrong, ( I don't think I am )well.. maybe I didn't live my life to the fullest, but I am grateful that I felt what I need to felt, and our love lasts till death do us part.

A annoying morally judging (but presumably intelligent )status whore just posted this. Not sure where he got this from but it clearly represent my beliefs.

"Every atom in our bodies have been around for billions of years. It takes an enormous amount of energy to change an atom and most elements are created through large celestial events. The oxygen atoms in my lungs could have been at one point breathed in by Benjamin Franklin, a carbon atom in my skin could have once been part of a T Rex, an iron atom in my blood could have been molten lava. We are all eternal on the atomic level." 

 

Update: 12.09am, 21st Dec. The amount of fucktards declaring that they are still alive is too damn high.

Uhhhhh....

just a picture of me to make things look a bit interesting?

No screwed up post again! What an achievement ^^ Bullets for the day it shall be.

• Free lunch today, aunt was kind enough to serve me woots
• Going to Beijing. Apparently aunt was faking it last sat and she decided to wait till the very last minute to tell my mom heh. Already knew that she isn't such a bitch lol. However, looking at the weather forecast, I am not sure going at this season is a good or bad thing....
•  Cut my hair in the afternoon while cousin did relaxing treatment. Wasted 35 bucks on amateur service. No one could cut bangs for me because they claim that my hairline just doesn't work that way. One guy tried to cut but there was a huge gap in between wtf -__- Wonder how I actually got side bangs since years ago.
• Dinner outside again. Returned an umbrella which I lent from a staff at a nearby pet shop. Gave me a name card and asked me to introduce anyone to come and buy cheaper pet care supply.
• Wedges was surprisingly fulling ._. Too much till I had to pack home. Could actually sit there and finish but it was getting dark.
• As I walked way past the pet shop someone called xiu jie xiu jie (miss) Turned around and it was the pet shop staff. He asked me to text and he will wait tonight.

 So that's all today folks.  -super loud cricket noise-

Freedom?

Woke up at 7.30 in the friggin morning just to ask mom if I can go out. She finally allowed me to be free from home omg T_____T Walking to LRT is really boring -_- I guess I am used to company walking to stations pfft. Wondered around KLCC for awhile as I was too early and then the moo was bit late. Subway for brunch. Met a primary school classmate. His jaws dropped when he saw the most unlikely paired up formal classmates holding hands haha <3

For me, Hobbit has its ups and downs. There were times where I am a bit restless and started to tease the cow, especially when I hear a number of people laughing and I get no shit of their humour.  and also times where I get excited/worried about (mainly) the hobbit. Too many names to be remembered, and there were two guys who looked the same to me -_- didn't bother me much so meh. White monster with a missing hand looks pretty similar to the one from Prometheus. Unfinished ending again, ugh, but it isn't that bad as many things have been settled.Also since the story will be continued in an upcoming movie so I didn't mind that much. Fucked up nerve breaking movie endings like freaking Twilight New Moon. "Will you marry me?" poof. FREAKING POOF. And then you will still wait for the next movie and watch it eventually -___-

After Hobbit went to edu fair. That awkward moment when you saw your previous school having a booth, acquaintances who only care about gossips about you and then your least favourite art teacher helping out. Surprised that she recognized me though.

Currently more convinced to go to Curtins. Surprisingly pricing wasn't as shocking as I expected. World rankings are slightly higher compared with Liverpool John Moore but they offer double major :O But nothing matters until someone could pay my college fees/ at least freaking sign documents for entrance. Oh well.

Finally a pretty gleeful post ey. Too badass to blog like a typical girl/bimbo weeeee

How to waste your time?

Ans: by arguing facts which are already there, with a dog.

Explaination: Compared with a dog, a human has a more complex and developed brain. Humans master more skills -- motor skills, communication skills, emotional skills etc compared to the canine. Humans have the ability to analyze things when they need to carefully. When there is a problem, humans think of the causes of it. What can be done, and where to compromise. Humans will then prepare a speech on the best way to make their stands clear.

 Humans have a higher emotional intelligence, they know how to show empathy as much as one could possibly give. They know that, by showing it compared with aggressiveness, the discussion would turn out to be a more diplomatic, fair, or at least a pleasant one.

Every human would go through an evolution in their life. From a clueless baby, to a chattering, energetic toddler.. the older human gets, the more human learns and of course, the more the brain expands. As human grows, human is taught that one should not exhibit barbaric behavior, say please and thank yous instead of making demands, and speak in a soft tone instead of screaming and shouting.

But a dog has a very simplified brain. What stimuli the dog receives is processed by the brain very differently from humans. Also, because of the construction of the dog's brain, poor doggie does not have the ability to understand simple reasons. Dogs don't need to go to school, get a college degree, and find a job to sustain one self. Being so into their own world, the dog would just do whatever the hell it wants to do. Bite off your shoes, push you away from your bed, and also taking a shit on your carpet.

"NO! BAD DOG!"

Doggie might have heard it many times but it just doesn't understand. It just spends the rest of the day howling and thinking.. where did I go wrong? I just want to poop. It is my nature. I am bored and I wanna find something to do. Why must I been told off? Why I just can't get the beef jerky I love? FUCK YOU I AM A DOG, NO MATTER WHAT I DO IN THE END YOU WILL NEED TO CLEAN MY SHIT UP ANYWAY. BECAUSE FUCK YOU VERY MUCH, THATS WHY.


Since dog can neither comprehend or compromise what human has to say, it will just bark, bark and bark. No matter how benificial or peace making your point might be, the barks will just go on, and it turns sharper and louder. Translation: DO YOU THINK I GIVE TWO FUCKS? FUCKS ARE NOT GIVEN. CAN YOU BARK BITCH? YOU CAN'T SO I AM THE BOSS HERE. PERIOD.

In the end, nothing is solved, and your life is still attached to the problem.

Yeah this weird post pretty much sums up what happened to the useless discussion we had today.

p/s: shortest post among all haha
pp/s: Beijing trip cancelled. Aunt is too disappointed with who I really am and "can't stand my face." On the bright side this means that can save first snow w bull :D

Twelve twelve twelve!

Trying to make this blog a tad bit cheerful but.... I guess I chose the wrong season to blog in the first place? .___.

 Blur is the in effect.

Both of us made a wish on 12/12/12 12am. Doesn't harm to wish for the better right? >_<

This isn't a good date AT ALL to write about fuckities like this but I am bored and don't trust anyone to tell so oh well.

Part two of the recent outing.. Soooo. I purposely went home late, knowing that situations won't change for the better. Even jackpot can't strike as accurately as our assumptions. Since is true conclusion it shall be wtf.

But here is a surprise element of the drama. I think if everything is broadcasted on air internationally (or at least locally? )

I would be the next Kim Kardashian yay. I have a big ass too! Thick face level 99999 haha. Because glamorously luxurious life is too fucking mainstream yo. ^__^

It seems like, my dad, the person who has been out from my life and stopped supporting my life expenses since 3 years ago, suddenly called baby bull's mom and said that I have changed and wants to meet up.

What. The. Fuck. Seeing the fact that he is desperate trying to talk to me again, he actually made such a silly move which makes me despise him even more. It is now pretty fine he took away the wealth of my family because of his ignorance (idiot does not know that by paying minimum amount for credit card means that the bank is gonna fucking charge you interest) and raging ego, and now that I have found a source of joy money can't weight he wants to destroy it? Fuck off lol. I know his life is bitter and miserable, but he has no fucking way to drag me down with him :) Such a smart move, dad.You don't know your daugher anymore :)

I guess mom was pretty desperate cause no one could help her -- her boyfriend is a fucking pussy, her lil sis is supporting her by only respecting her decisions and she has her own hateful in laws to take of, her previous neighbour/closest friend is busy taking care of her dad diagnosed with dementia; that poor woman had to be prepared all the time incase her dad calls, telling her that he is happy that he managed to pull up the medical tubes. At least twice a day. I also think that despite the damage my dad has made to the family, she asked him for help because of his temper, not because he is my dad or anything. May the force be with her. ._.

Both of my parents do not take it seriously that I am immunized to temper throwing. I guess that is the reason they are happily climbing on my head. Even though mom raised her voice at me (with reason or no reason) and I gave her the poker face every time she doesn't seem to get it. ._. Same goes to my dad, but I guess he probably forgot about that because I don't even know when was the last time he roared in the house. LOL.

Since it was mainly my dad I don't give a fuck at all. Anyway found cat's nephew's facebook not through my friends studying in the same school as him BUT cat's wife wtf. She is so damn big O_O Sure I planned to tell him about what his dear uncle/dad (well, he calls him dad) has been up to behind, but looking at privacy settings on his profile I guess he wouldn't accept me. As long as his wife still had the messaging function on I guess meh.

Yesterday, mom called *cough* mother in law *cough* >__< (glad that I don't have to change it to monster anymore lol) and said that I am dirty, rebellious and a liar.

When I first heard about this about this my eyes goes to slideshow effect mode, pulls down a background with HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH, in large, capital, colourful (mainly pastel..) words all over my vision. So now that my mom realizes that how am I now is  not up to par as it is against her expectations, she couldn't find any reasons and decided to blame others who have nothing to do with it? Wow, parenting at it's fucking best.

Poor momma in law. Have to bear with this crazy ass bitch for awhile. Pfft.

Bitch also said that she wants to meet up with both mother and son. Shall see..

Today it seems like they didn't meet up, but mom has made an appointment with em tomorrow at 2pm. (strange timing, guess cat ain't free)  But last week the cow has made an appointment with his friend to work on cosplay stuff tomorrow so appointment changed to friday.

She wants me to vertify what I have been telling cow about her through out the year -- not giving pocket money, fucked up rules, the way I have been brought up, things she said, etc. Sounds like a good old fashioned diplomatic talk, but deep inside everyone knows that it wouldn't be the way it should be.

I already had enough of her twisting everything in the end, especially infront of cat just to make her sound innocent and making me look like an immature teen. Especially that day (forgot exactly how many months ago, I only remembered it was a Thursday) when my contact lens decided to rip apart in my left eye and I couldn't get it out the whole freaking day in school. Countless visits to the toilet does not help, and friends and acquaintances attempts to look for the missing piece had failed me. Vivien was so kind, she lend me her eye drops and I finished half a bottle FHL. Both friends and acquaintances kept asking me to visit the hospital because of their/ their relatives' past events, but I told them no one would bring me there because for sure mom wouldn't take something like this seriously, even though she is also a contact lens user. I also know the possible damages which might cause to my eye, but what can I do?

(ahhh, long winded story telling strikes again..)

By the end of school the missing piece is still poking my eyes and it started to blur my vision a bit. Cow who accompanied me home through out the last few months of school also tried to remove it but no avail. Cow also knew that she wouldn't bring me and suggested me to walk to the hospital opposite my school. (awesome right.) After discussing for a good 20 minutes, I skipped tuition, after cow called my mom to ask her to bring me to the hospital to get it removed. 

I asked mom to bring me there, she refused and told me just to apply eye drops/contacts solution and it will come out. She then ignored me and went to gym with cat, as usual. Couldn't find the missing piece, so I reluctantly slept with that fucking piece of shit in my eye. Everyone around me (and not around me) was so worried about me, but not my mom.

The next morning my left eye was terribly blur when I woke up and it also produced a lot of discharge ew. Still, I had to go to school, but I listened to cow that I go to the hospital IF it still decides to float in my eye.

But thankfully in God's grace the missing piece irritated my eye so bad, I rushed to the toilet and found it next to my eye ball :D :D :D my friends, classmates and acquaintances were genuinely happy for me, faith in humanity restored! :D

.... Not for long. 

Cat and mom sent me home that day, and I also happily told mom that she doesn't need to worry about me because I managed to take it out. Mom then called me stupid, asking me why I didn't take it out earlier. -__- Seeing that she might be confused, I repeated yesterday's incident to her. She still thinks that I left it here and then told me, "See, told you that you don't needa doc, your friends are silly, people will laugh at you if you go to the emergency session for small things like this. The next time it happens, keep dripping eye drops, it will eventually come out. "

No fucking comment.

This year cat decided to bring US to celebrate her birthday on the 25th of October. ( A day after, he couldn't make it the day before) I didn't took a shower immediately after dinner (..which is usually around 4-6 :P ) because I wanna change to my prettier clothes straight. I waited, sat on the bed, talking to cow and realized that it is getting late. Went down and asked her what time we are going out. Surprised that she was all dressed up and putting on her make up, naturally I asked her what's the hurry.

She then told me, "Make it clear, it is my birthday not yours. Yours is next week. We are going out by then."

For the first time in my life, someone actually told me that they didn't want me to be there for their birthday. And the first person turns out to be.. my mother.

Moving on, Big Bang came to KL on the 27th, which was 3 days before my birthday. I thought it would be great to catch em live and have an outing as usual on the date itself. Tickets and transportation were provided. Asked her and she said okay. (partly because cat said so. )

Unexpectedly after he went home she turned around and said I can only go out for one day! No concert, just outing. After a light debate, LIKE ALWAYS, I was the side giving in, also because I am grateful that at least I could spend that special day with him.

But I was wrong. She didn't allow ANYTHING later. Talked about it infront of cat and there was one sentence which pissed me off.

"I wanna reject him, cannot?"

Clearly shows how unreasonable and bitchy she is. And all the sudden she asked me to go away because she is "too depressed". In the end they agreed on having him for lunch on that day.

On the day itself mom only asked him what stream he took and ignored us the rest of the moment. Halfway through eating mom was frequently away talking on the phone, and at one point both cat and mom left us abruptly for at least a good half an hour.

a kawaii facepalm picture just to make things a bit interesting.

If any stranger happens to stumble on this blog and bothered to read everything I shall clarify that my drastic decisions and behavior IS NOT just based on these incidents through out the year. No child would want to destroy her bondings with her mother; after all, being inside her for 9 months surely meant something. Sure my mom has done her responsibilities as a single mother supporting my life expenses but there are many problems accumulated through out the years.  I am grateful for being provided with necessities (even a few are an exception) but I personally think that, no matter what you do, no matter how much you have contributed to anyone or anything, don't use your contributions as an excuse of messing up. She is a responsible mother most of the time but that doesn't mean she has the right to mess with my life, even her intention was just to "protect me".

It is fucking scary to have a mother who could read your thoughts and decisions every fucking time ever since you are a kid. It is nice when she knows my likings, like knowing what type of food I want, what colour I would choose.. But as life complicates it is definitely unpleasant. Currently I lock my laptop, I changed my password 3 times in this month and logged out from all devices after changing before this happens, I hide my phone in the house all the time for the past few years ever since catching her reading my inbox but yet she just fucking knows what I think and is gonna happen. Always wondered if there is a devil living in her. Truthfully I am not surprised if there is.

But I guess not (????) because I am pretty sure she doesn't know my character completely well but only a few flaws, plainly just because she hates that few of em.

Since I was a kid I always asked my mom what are the good sides of me. Well it is good to hear what other people think of you, sometimes. Till today she couldn't give me a proper answer. How can a mother not know, especially when I am the only child?

I am sick of living life the way she defines. The way she thinks, is correct. She always criticizes the way how people live. She disses the weaker characters, thinking that having a strong character will always bring success in life. Problem is these values, and success are subjective. Who is she to judge other people's life? There is no right or wrong if you are not a very neat person. I am a bit untidy, and she always says being tidy is the key of success. How would you know if all the successful CEOS will have tidy personal spaces? What you see on TV MIGHT be superficial. Everyone's thoughts of successful is different. Some may say loads of money, some might say just being happy.

No one said that is wrong if you are emotional. There is nothing wrong being happy over little things. There is nothing wrong being sad. There is nothing wrong feeling hurt, AS LONG AS YOU DON'T FUCKING UNLEASH YOUR FUCKING TEMPER TO INNOCENT PEOPLE MOTHERFUCKERS. Sure I am immunized to anger but that is still NOT FUCKING OKAY.

You don't have respect for me, how the fuck do you deserve mine?

Mom always want me to think like an adult but how does she expects me to when she is being a hypocrite herself, being so full of herself thinking that she is right and has the right to hurt others? I don't think that she could think like an adult considering the fact that the rationality she has is equivalent to a tiger. If she sees adulthood as a complete stage of life, shouldn't she implement values which makes one an adult? Shouldn't she have better understanding of emotions?


There are times when I wonder why my life isn't like any typical teenager, only thinking of spending time with friends, being happy and.. being happy. But if it is not for this unusual teenage life I have, I wouldn't be the person here typing this today. One of my mom's logic is that kids can grow up without making mistakes. In comparison when I think back those free and easy days I was a complete idiot. I know nothing about life, and if that goes on, where would that bring me to?

I don't feel like typing till the very conclusion because I am freaking demotivated and I don't think even myself would read such a long ass post. Hope Friday wouldn't be any uglier. Toodles.

 

In the end it is still us who could turn the can'ts to cans, and make our dreams into plans.