angst.

I tried to wait for something happy to blog about but I failed. I shall give back a little piece of what life gives me here.

So this evening I called the.... juris contact. Better known as NUR hotline. I just feel so juvenile to say that it is actually a child services line for people below 18 years old, mostly for reporting child abuse and sexual harassment but they do also provide other services like counselling.

My family now thinks that I am a selfish, immature love sicked dumb fuck. All thanks to the lies my mom convinced herself to live in. My friends don't understand simply because... they live a normal, simple life, which is in fact, isn't a choice of life. This was actually suggested by the bull. I know that chances are the social workers are going to fall into the category of the ordinary (the main reason of not calling earlier) but there is no one out there who can help. It is a toll free helpline so... why not give it a try?

As I reached the hotline I was greeted in Malay.

Holy shit, I thought to myself.

Being considered multilingual myself and most of the people here tend to have imbalanced mastery of the language. Some are only good at communicating while some are only good in flawless, beautiful writing but when it comes to talking is all just... as blunt as dinosaur rawrs.

Like most non malays I can't speak proper malay. I can write well, but I speak with a horrible uneducated accent with hints of chinese slangs. (lah, meh, lor etc) It is almost impossible to speak in a full sentence of malay words, unless the malay word is the same as english. -___-

But yet, I still managed to tell every necessary part of the story, as the obviously mind fucked counselor heavily responded with uhummmm and uhuhhhhs.

I truly appreciate her for listening to me speaking in her mother tongue, half fucked. Also, I am glad that she did not judge me based on having a boyfriend at a "young age" , or giving me that biased lecture on why we kids should listen to adults yadiyadadada.

However, as expected, I didn't get a proper answer for anything.

I don't blame her though. She is mostly seeing my mom being the same as average moms. This is definitely something new to her, stranger than the abuse cases she receives.

She did got one and only thing right-- The main source of the problem is communication error between both of us.

Like many have suggested she asked me to sit down and talk to her.

I just told her, "Yeah sure, if it works, I wouldn't call you anyway"

She then proceeded by repeating her suggestion again.

Through out the whole 45 minute conversation I am very sure that she has repeated that for at least 5 times. No shit.

In the beginning I have already emphasized that I do not want to bring this matter to any authority because:

1. Not enough of evidence from myself, and of her being financially okay as she doesn't pay taxes.
2. I am very sure that no one would be willing to be my evidence.
3. Since she was alerted by cow's mother mentioning about child services she would have prepared herself a new phase of this and convince herself and others to live in it.
4. Who the fuck is gonna pay lawyer fees???? zzzz

Instead, I asked for her opinion on what should I do, what precautions I should take, and other forms of aids available out there which I am not aware of.

She asked me to do STPM. I told her that I have been in a private high school for 5 years then she said then I can't do it.

She asked me to take loan from PTPTN. I told her that I wanna do pre-U and PTPTN does not give out loans for such students.

JPA? Fuck that I ain't no bright student.


Knowing that she can't do anything to give my brain a break from thinking of all these shit, I asked her one last question: IF after receiving my SPM results, I fail to get a scholarship and she refuses to pay, what can I do?

She told me to call the Ministry of Education so they could help.

....................................

*The sound wave of her words spreaded to the whole world, and the monkeys all over the globe scratched their heads profusely for the next 10 minutes or so. *

Later, she told me to talk to my previous school counselor so she could talk to my mom.

Heavens! Most golden piece of advice ever!

Cow suggested me to call again, hopefully to get another person to attend to me. Trying tomorrow morning or something.

Sometimes I really don't know if living a different life is a blessing or a curse.